{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"2976527","dateCreated":"1204065218","smartDate":"Feb 26, 2008","userCreated":{"username":"jordanspeace","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/jordanspeace","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/ahsawnm08jordans.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/2976527"},"dateDigested":1532390790,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":" Whoa ","description":"Whoa. Good essay. The only thing i can say is that you should make your thesis more clear. Also, (this may be different for your class)stay away form the "you's" and "I's." You can quote yourself, but the paper becomes more persuasive without using 1st person.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"2970503","dateCreated":"1204047620","smartDate":"Feb 26, 2008","userCreated":{"username":"jordanspeace","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/jordanspeace","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/ahsawnm08jordans.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/2970503"},"dateDigested":1532390790,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"editorial comments on first paragraph","description":"Is my struccture ok? do you think these facts help my topic and get the ball rolling? is there anything that needs work? please be harsh and truthful!! What could I add to improve this!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"2970649","body":"Great job! I found that your first paragraph flowed extremely well. Your facts were to the point, but I could understand what you were trying to state. I think you got the ball rolling and that your topic is engaging. I sort of found that your first paragraph was mainly facts. Maybe you could find some way to incorporate more opinion. Other than that I really liked your paper. -Sydney","dateCreated":"1204048191","smartDate":"Feb 26, 2008","userCreated":{"username":"jordanspeace","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/jordanspeace","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"2970807","body":"Wow. Your topic is so different than anyone else's; which makes this paper infinintly more interesting to read. I actually found myself reading and absorbing your writing as opposed to some others which I felt like I was pulling teeth to read. Your writing is also very fluent and easy to read so that I am not hung up on grammar errors or bad sentence structure when I read this. GREAT job, I have no critisism. -Hillary","dateCreated":"1204048711","smartDate":"Feb 26, 2008","userCreated":{"username":"jordanspeace","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/jordanspeace","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"3005635","body":"I thought your first paragraph explained your topic very well! It gave a lot of background and good information. Just make sure not to use any personal words and to site all your sources.","dateCreated":"1204170077","smartDate":"Feb 27, 2008","userCreated":{"username":"jordanspeace","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/jordanspeace","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"3037927","body":"Jordan!
\n
\nThat was amazing. I thought that you did a really good job explaining things and showing your point of veiw. It was also really good how some opposition was brought in, but you fought it with great support!
\n
\n--Shannan","dateCreated":"1204309060","smartDate":"Feb 29, 2008","userCreated":{"username":"jordanspeace","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/jordanspeace","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"2790247","dateCreated":"1203011044","smartDate":"Feb 14, 2008","userCreated":{"username":"jordanspeace","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/jordanspeace","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/ahsawnm08jordans.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/2790247"},"dateDigested":1532390791,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"editorial comments needed","description":"What are some contradictory comments that you could already deploy? Does this make any sense? is it too confusing, do I need to make anything clearer? Is the quote i chose too boring and not a quality attention getter? What is missing to make this very powerrful and intruiging? what kind of thoughts and opinions does this strike so far?","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"2790447","body":"Jordan - your intro is ver original and I am definitley excited to read more of your paper. Some of your sentences are a little long, and I think the first few sentences need to be re-worded. Overall, interesting topic and great length without seeming to give too much away.","dateCreated":"1203011585","smartDate":"Feb 14, 2008","userCreated":{"username":"jordanspeace","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/jordanspeace","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"2790689","body":"Jordan,
\nYour quote grabbed my attention and made me want to keep reading. It is clear that you are taking a stand in a contreversial topic. Your thesis made sense and I understood what your point is. I found your intro to be powerful already.","dateCreated":"1203012320","smartDate":"Feb 14, 2008","userCreated":{"username":"jordanspeace","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/jordanspeace","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"2790801","body":"Jordan, I think you are definitely thinking outside the box on this one. Wow, I am impressed. =] It is definitely an interesting topic as well as engaging and controversial. Just make sure you are checking your spelling on everything, but overall pretty good job. Also, watch for repeating that one word, "spectrum." It comes up a little bit too much and I am not sure I completely understand what you are trying to say with it.
\n
\nM.T.","dateCreated":"1203012754","smartDate":"Feb 14, 2008","userCreated":{"username":"jordanspeace","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/jordanspeace","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"2790939","body":"Wow. Amazed. You went off the over-beaten path for a unique, if not controvertial concept. It had my attention from the start (the only time it went down was some of the terms, but that is my problem). I can't add too much about the intro. It would be hard to add book related quotes, but that would be nice if you could find one to incorperate into your essay.","dateCreated":"1203013206","smartDate":"Feb 14, 2008","userCreated":{"username":"jordanspeace","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/jordanspeace","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"2791163","body":"Matt
\n
\nVery interesting intro paragraph, but it is quite confusing. First you seem to be saying that men and women should be viewed equally in all ways, then you move onto that homosexuals, bisexuals etc. are good at seeing both sides, and at the end you seem to settle on adrogynus people. I am now confused about what you are going to write you essay on. You seem to have two to three essay topics in your opening paragraph, I think you need to make it clearer early on what you plan on writing about.","dateCreated":"1203013761","smartDate":"Feb 14, 2008","userCreated":{"username":"jordanspeace","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/jordanspeace","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]}],"more":false},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}